Smiling Mask

Life is as fragile as a ball of glass
Fissure at any impacts
And finally break when it can take anymore
This is how I represent my life
Or is it still life?
Since it is now broken
Millions of pieces flying away
I am standing here without knowing what to do
Confused about what to feel
Yet I don’t dislike this feeling,
This feeling of not knowing
Scared of the word know ledges
Once aware of life warmth
I will wish to get it unconsciously
Even though the coldness of this now broken life
Is not as bad as one would though.

Yet in the end
My body will wither like any flowers
Forgotten for eternity
That I live for the brightness of the days
Or the coldness of tomorrow
The end will result the same
Yet people wish to make us learn how happiness can change our live
Yet I openly denied all of this without saying it out loud
As my word are like the murmurs of the wind
Silently molding something suit to the situation,
Making me wear this smiling mask
Making me able to talk without revealing what was always growing inside my heart
Rose’s thorny vines ravaging all the veins inside my body
Making me shiver in pain while any human trance is away
It’s not water anymore that comes from my eyes
But the ink I use to transfer my feelings on paper.

Crying in black
Letting traces clearly visible
Yet only few people can see it.
Even though I yearned to be ignored
I can’t stop yearning to be hear
Or it is what I wish
Or it is what I want to wish for
Emotions without meaning are growing inside of me yet again,
Happiness
Sadness
Madness,
All of those words written by my tears
Seem to have no purpose anymore
My soul mechanism as decide to forget them
To laugh
To smile
To ignore.

I stand here wondering if being bathed into the sunlight of the day
And of your presences
Is something that I am worthy of
Even though I do not understand the meaning behind it
Me or another me inside that been severed into multiples personality
I ask again
What is smiling for?
What is happiness again?
Why the need to be angry?
Those questions that seemed so easy to answer,
When asked seem to give me this hollowed feeling
This emotion of forgetfulness
That doesn’t bother me but make me wonder for days and days
But still answered
Clueless maybe I am
Fool maybe this too.

As I consider myself as a mere lifeless body
That seem to have forgot the mere presence of its own soul
Wandering without any purpose
Adjusting one own thinking to the situation
Yet when questioned
Wonder what its normal thinking pattern was...
I forgot the feeling of my own thoughts
Except those words that seem to be escaping from my heart
Screaming to be hear
I let them out,
Because by doing this the feeling diminish
Temporally making a void on all the madness inside
Making me smile as a natural reflex
As I finish writing
My own heart mechanism turns on once again
Making me wear that smiling face
Hiding my worries to you.